Today we went to Ms. Alma Edwards' 102 birthday party at the Planchock's home. It was the neatest birthday party I've ever been to. There were people of all ages there, mostly from church, and we had light brunchy foods and coffee and juice and little cinnamon rolls with candles in them. The weather was very nice and the kids all rotated between eating at the kitchen table with Ms. Alma and playing in the backyard. The main "event" at the party was to listen to Ms. Alma tell stories. She had written down a table of contents, if you will, of stories, and we all took turns asking her about the different topics. Of course one story led to another which led to another. It was a wonderful time of celebrating the long life that she has been given. Talk about a lady who has lived life to the fullest!
This got me to thinking about all the stories that I've heard about my grandmother. She was mentally gone long before she physically left us, but she still was able to tell some really neat stories. At night when I don't have a lot of time to read Grace a whole story I now tell her a "Grandmother Story". She really likes these. I think I will try to write them down just like a "Today Grace or Jack Said" post, whenever they come to mind. But now, while I've got a computer to type on, I'll try to record a bit of a life story that is all together and a bit more cohesive... although only what I can remember off the top of my head... and what I can feverishly type during the span of a nap time. :)
Ethelyn Dumas was born in Emerson, Arkansas in the year 1914. She was the first born of Oscar and Annis Dumas and would be the eldest of 5 siblings, 4 girls and 1 boy. She had no middle name and this was always a bit of a sore subject with her. I seem to remember something about a bit of a story where her parents almost named her Rosemary but decided against it and she always wished she had been named Rosemary because she thought it was a much nicer name. I personally think Ethelyn is a very nice name.
When she was small, her father was a farmer. Her parents were some of the founding members of Hephzibah Baptist Church in Emerson. She was baptized in a little spring there during her teen years. Her father always was a song leader and her mother always sang the alto part in the choir. Her father would travel around and teach new hymns to the different congregations in the area. Her mother, even when they had very very little money, always dressed her girls in the latest fashions.
Sometime in her elementary years, her father decided that there was not much of a future in farming and the family packed up and moved to Shreveport, LA. That was a major risk and life change during those times, to leave what you know how to do and family close by to help you and move to a big city. He became an insurance salesman and continued to lead the songs at their new church. Their family continued to grow, and the times began to change very quickly.
Grandmother was a member of the first graduating class of Fair Park High School... when there were only 11 grades. The only thing I remember her really telling me about high school is that she was in the French Club. We have a picture somewhere of her graduating class, all in robes, standing in a long line in front of the school. My Grandmother was always very very tiny. I'm sure she wasn't 5' tall and I'm equally sure she never weighed more than 100 pounds for most of her life. She always had dark hair, died for most of the time I knew her, and very light blue eyes. When I see all the black and white pictures of her as a child and young adult I always think of her eyes as brown or dark, but they weren't at all. They were the most beautiful clear blue... even at 98!
Her lifelong dream was to go to Paris, but she never got to go. I think that Grandmother had a lot of big dreams that didn't really seem to work out for her. I have only heard bits and pieces of the stories from her early adult years. Pretty much what I can gather from what I have heard over the years is that she was pretty rebellious. She married a man, Lester Guin, who rode motorcycles and rode off into the sunset with him (much to the displeasure of her parents I can only imagine). She had a son, Don, and was then divorced from Lester only to remarry him. I believe he was an alcoholic and had an affair, but those things aren't really talked about much if you know what I mean. She and Lester then divorced again, this time for good. Can you imagine being a single woman raising a child in the 1940's? She must have had some guts to first of all, marry someone who her parents weren't pleased with, then divorce him, remarry, and divorce him again, all with a child in tow. I can't imagine how hard that must have been.
During the late 40's early 50's my Grandmother worked in downtown Shreveport on Milam Street at Querbes and Nelson. The story about what happened next that I've heard goes something like this... She was either being fixed up on a date or my Grandfather was coming to do business. Either way, she looked out of the second floor window of that building on Milam St. and saw him and his red Cadillac and said she would give this guy a try. That's how she found herself in Haynesville eventually... only 15 minutes down the road from Emerson. Mitch and Ethelyn got married at what was perhaps the most talked about wedding the town of Haynesville has ever seen and ever will ever see. My grandfather and his mother owned a trucking company. They would truck pipe out to the oil fields in Texas. But what Mitch really loved was the rodeo. He had a rodeo arena that seated 3,000 people right behind his house in the Haynesville city limits. This is where my grandparents got married! They stopped the rodeo one night, and the whole wedding party came in on horses, and that's where they had the ceremony, right there in the middle of a rodeo on horseback! They had a party and dancing behind the house after. The cake even had two little horses on top... one black and one white just like the bride and groom rode in real life.
I can imagine that Grandmother felt she had finally had a turn of events. She was married and settling down into a comfortable lifestyle where she didn't have to be single and the sole provider for her son anymore. I would also think that where before, when everyone was probably not always supportive of her relationship with her first husband, this was much different. Everyone loved my grandfather. He was one of the more influential men in Haynesville at the time. He was a showman. The party was always at his place, he was always the host and he liked it that way... everybody's friend. I also imagine Haynesville was a really nice place to live back in that time period. It was a booming oil town full of young, middle class families.
She then had my mom, Deebe Jan Ethelyn Mitchiner, (I think she was trying to make up for that no middle name thing) at the age of 40. She went all the way to the hospital in Homer to have her. I don't know much about this time, but the pictures seem to represent some happy years.
When my mom was 3 my grandfather was in a car accident and was killed. He was in the car with five people, and they were hit by a drunk driver. 3 of the men were killed. I can't imagine how that must have felt... to finally have more of a peaceful life and then to have it taken away in one minute... and to be left alone to care for a young child and an older child and a lot of property and a business... all of which was very very unique to my grandfather.. all of which was in a town that was not really her own. I think that several low years followed for my grandmother, and I'm not sure she ever totally recovered from her loss. But she did the absolute best job that she could do, and she got done what had to get done. She got my uncle through college even though he was really hard to handle at times and was showing signs of becoming an alcoholic. She always made sure that my mom had everything she needed. She took her to church every time the doors were opened and would drop her off at the kitchen door. She kept her grandson, Greg, for a week every single summer... mom says that keeping him is one of the first ways she knew she wanted to be a teacher. She even went back to work, working in the meat market at the Piggly Wiggly to make ends meet. And she always drove a Cadillac.
Later on, she had a little house on Lake Claiborne where she went fishing a lot. Grandmother was a fisherman if there ever was one. She loved to be all alone, in her john boat, wearing a wide brimmed straw hat, just fishing... not trying to catch a huge fish or make a competition out of it, just fishing alone for fishings sake... cause she like to. One of my favorite pictures of us all was taken while we were fishing in her little boat at that little green house. Probably made my mom a nervous wreck to take us there as kids with all of the old rubber worms and hooks everywhere. That house is where all of the old western furniture was kept. Green Naugahyde sofas and rockers with cows and horses stitched into the backs filled the tiny living room. It was a funny place. The kitchen table had a classic 50's table cloth on it and it was SO wobbly. It was like stepping back in time when you entered that little house on the lake. Every time I visited my grandmother it was like stepping back in time, though.
Let's see, what's next? My mother graduated from Haynesville High and headed off to Louisiana Tech! My grandmother sold some land to pay for all of my moms college even though I don't think she really wanted her to leave. I think that Grandmother wanted Mom to be able to always support herself no matter what life had in store. I also think the time period when my mom grew up and left home and got married was really hard for my grandmother. She was being left alone, behind, once again. And even though it was the natural thing to have happen, it was probably still very hard for my grandmother to make that change to being all alone in that big old house.
But time goes on and things change. Grandmother eventually bought a little town home in Shreveport so that she could be closer to her sisters. She lived in Haynesville less and less and eventually spent most of her time in Shreveport. She loved her sisters and they were her best friends, but those ladies could be a bit catty as well. I imagine some things never do change! She had a great black and white photo of all four sisters together when they were very young in a thin black fame by her bed in Shreveport. It is a great picture. They were all very stylish and they sang together, sometimes on the radio, too!
I did not spend too much time with my grandmother when I was little because we never lived very close to her. There was one week though, that I did stay with her... and it was fabulous. It was wonderful! We stayed at her little town house in Shreveport while my parents and Mary Allison went to Houston for something or another. I slept on her long low sofa... with a TV right there at my feet! I got to use her shower and her towels. She never ever owned a dryer and would always just hang her clothes to dry on a drying rack... in Haynesville over the big floor furnace. Anyway, her towels always smelled good to me. They were pretty thin and kind of rough, but I thought it was a treat. We went to the Drug Emporium together and then to get Baskin Robbins ice cream. We played putt putt, and she had 3 holes in one! We went through the Wendy's drive through and to Podnuh's BBQ together. And we ate Borden ice cream at night while we watched tv. Grandmother always had Borden ice cream in her freezer. Always. Mom says they ate ice cream every night when she was a kid too! And the best thing was that she made me strawberries and cream for breakfast on morning. My grandmother was always very very kind to me. I'm not sure she was totally comfortable around kids, but she was a very good hostess for me when I stayed with her, and I'm glad I got to because I have some great memories from that week!
Grandmother lived by herself until she was over 90 years old. When my parents moved to Ft. Smith they took the opportunity to move her with them and get her settled in an assisted living facility. She had not been cooking much for herself, so with 3 regular meals a day, she actually started to get healthier! She was diagnosed with the beginning stages of Alzheimer's and eventually moved to a nursing home near mom's work. Mom visited Grandmother nearly every single day, sometimes more than once a day, for several years at the end of her life. She did her laundry, paid her bills, talked to the doctors and made sure she had the best care possible. She sat with grandmother, and talked with her, and took her on walks and took her outside and made her coffee. Grace and Jack, but especially Grace, always loved to visit. Going to see Grandmother was a frequent event when we visited Arkansas. And Grandmother loved seeing her great-grands. She always, always perked up when they came around... even if she couldn't quite remember how we were all related. She loved to see them sing and dance to ring-around-the-rosie and go for walks down the halls. The kids would always give her stuffed animals to hold and hug her and kiss her and make her feel special. I'm so glad that we have these good memories of the nursing home because I know that a lot of people are never visited and don't have very good experiences there. Grandmother was always visited and always looked after.
Grandmother passed away the day before Christmas Eve. She was 98 years old. 98. Think of all the changes she saw! She lived through the Roaring 20s, the Great Depression (and always had a job), great wars, the 50s, 60s, 70s, 80s, and on. When she was born in her little house on a little farm outside of Emerson there was no indoor plumbing, no telephone, no car (her family had a mule), no penicillin. When she died there were computers and cell phones and interstates and airplanes and nursing homes! This amazes me, to think of all the things she lived through, all the changes she saw. And to think of what her life meant... without her there would be no Deebe, and no me! It is amazing how the Lord works things together and has His hand in all circumstances whether they are deemed good or bad by us. Life is tough, and Grandmother had her fair share of tough. But I am so thankful for her life and the meaning that it held and the fruit that it produced. I hope we can remember her well and learn from her lessons and be thankful for our good memories with her.
